I can't believe it's been one year already.
Actually i'm not 501% sure this is the date. Or better, since my true obsession started with SS501 and i've become a TS at the end of November, i'm 501% sure this is not the date.
Yet, i'm almost sure it was the 13th of September when i accepted to hear my first korean song.
My bff said she actually made me listen to a FTI's song in July but i can't remember that, so i'll just use this day because i know what happened exactly one year ago.
The most impressive thing of my whole passions is...it increases every day more. I guess it's because you fall for people, not simply music or screenplays.
I mean, i do realise South Korea makes me delusional. If i used to believe in Prince Charming like Cinderella, now i dream of So Yi Jeong like Ga Eul; i expect boys, italian boys, to show each other affection without worrying about looking gay or not; i tend to forget the "eonni-dongsaeng" bond here is impossible because a girl is nice to another girl only if she considers her way uglier than her.
This is my reality. XD
IS THIS THE KIND OF REALITY YOU GUYS WANTED???
Oh, no...that was a few months later. Focus, Menu ah! Hwaiting! \o/
In the real world if i dump someone like Yoon Ji Hoo for someone else, he won't go 'I'll still be the only one who can see you even under a mask.' He'll probably just go 'GTFO, SLUT!' XD
No...correction: in the real world if i dump someone like Yoon Ji Hoo i'll just slap myself and jump off my balcony. XD
But nonsense apart...Koreans taught me a lot. Friendship, respect, hard work.
All things i knew that were important, especially friendship. But somehow i feel worse if i forget them now, because the idea of my idols not approving pushes me to work harder and control my negative feelings.
Koreans make me jealous, too.
It may be a huge make-believe but they seem to put family on top of priorities.
A few days ago i read this tweet from Kibum to Hyung Jun saying 'Come home soon, hyung-nim!'
You don't know how many times i've wished to have that sort of bond with my brother. Or better, the bond Kyu&Xander&Thunder have with their sisters.
When i stop to think about it, i realise my brother's worked harder than me and is currently making the best out of his days just with what life's given to him.
Me? I haven't moved much since i graduated. I love my life and who i am and the way my days go by especially now that i'm doing this tutoring thing. I feel useful somehow. But i haven't accomplished much.
Sometimes i wished i could just say 'I honestly think my brother's better than me' like Kibum once confessed, without worrying about all that series of things keeping me from confessing this.
For example, my brother would go 'Yeah, sure' because he honestly believes i don't pay much attention to him.
I do love my brother despite he's a real pain in my neck more than once a day and if i yell at him it's just because i don't think he gets the luck we have. He's been through a lot and i wish all the people who hurt him to regret letting him go at some point in their poor lives.
My brother deserves people by his side because he is a big honey-hearted dumbass but we were raised in a way that doesn't allow us to be siblings korean-style.
But it's still good. Koreans made me think about the relationship my brother&i share and it made me realise how unfair i am to him at times.
About the pure spazzing part of my obsession, during my recent vacation i got the confirmation i just can't stand up anymore without it.
I don't like saying this because my friends may take it in the wrong way, but there are trouble my friends can't fix.
They can stand by my side and distract me, support me, comfort me, prove me our bond should be envy material for the rest of the world and something to thank God every night. They do so and they do that in the best way i could ask.
But some things of me, i'm the only one who can fix them. (I can picture my bff going 'And she says i should share every sad thought w her...' XD) I think it's the same for everyone. We all have our own share of experience that's just ours, that the others don't have and can simply imagine what it feels like being through that.
Because there's always someone luckier than us, someone who got what we've been lacking all along. It's like if i go to a starving kid, pat his back and say 'I know what it feels like.' =.= NO YOU DON'T, MENU AH! Cut the crap!
So when i've felt (rarely) alone in the past 12 months and i've found myself thinking of something that bothered me and my friends weren't there, despite how naive it sounds, idols were there with me. With their endless bright smiles and their humanity other stars have lost along the way.
I guess this makes me sound ungrateful.
I'm not. It doesn't mean i can live without my friends as long as i have kpop. It means i need both. Of course my friends are real and i'll always need them more, but we all have our secret shelter.
Kpop is just mine.
That's it. That's what Korea did for me in one year: teaching me, helping me to reflect and to crawl out of that darkness who stole my 2009. For 12 months i've done nothing but having fun with my dearest ones and with other awesome new people i just can't picture my life without anymore.
Even if i haven't mentioned them so far, i trust them to know they're constantly in my thoughts. Ask my bff. XDD
What these new friends have done for me can be summarized in that one sentence i just typed: i can't picture my life without them anymore.
I can't picture myself in 10 years wondering 'Who knows how *insert your name. Yes. You. The one who's reading* is doing these days?'
I can't picture myself not catching up with your lives even 10 years from now.
Kpop or not, i hope i'll always be Menu ah for someone on this planet.
Day after day, year after year, it shouldn't be hard, right?
Twelve months are gone already and it still feels like yesterday when all i knew about South Korea was Coffee Prince (couldn't close this post without mentioning them XD) and Jong Hoon's stunning smile.
THANKSS!
Really! To all those people, ordinary or famous, near or far, who contribute to let me stay the Menu ah i love being, just by being there for me.
Love Ya is not even enough to describe what i owe you, this time!
But yeah...Love Ya!
Menu ah
[No need to tell you why the pic is Jong Hoon ah, right? :D]
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