Can't find a witty title

[This is probably a Menu you won't like. I'm sorry. Deeply sorry. Just know that i'm not referring to any of you. Any of my closest TripleS friends. Though i suppose no one who's not you will come here.

This is just a general freaking out moment that all this negativity raised in me. And i hope your opinion about me won't change after this. In case you think that may happen, just ignore the post and come back for the next raving. ThankSS!]

Is it stupid crying for this? Actually crying? Like lump in your throat, boiling tears and headache.

Rationally it is. It's just a band. Just five guys who literally live on the other side of this planet and have no idea that you exist. You wouldn't be able to move a finger if you met them. All the things you rave about are and will always remain just that: saying. Words. Dreams.

Yet, i guess dreams aren't rational. And i'm the least rational 22 year old girl on Earth.

I really don't understand.

Three minutes earlier it was all about 5 forever as 1! Let's trust Leader! Let's trust them all! DSP won't stop us!

Then it's like one of Jung Min's imaginary dwarf friends came to spread devastation and evilness and completely destroyed every kind of faith.

I freaking know SS501 won't be here for 50 years like Baby always says. I'm not really that dumb as i always act.

It's clear as hell to me that one day i will turn on my laptop and find the effing news. A certain news. Not a rumor or a vague announcement like 'We're working for you. Please, trust us even if we've made a mess in the past 5 years.'

I know as well as i know the sun shines and stones can't walk that one day there will be no more SS501. Not on stage at least.

I'm 22, for God's sake. Really, i act stupid 'cause it makes life easier and better but i have actually grown a brain in the past two decades. A good working one.

The thing is, if i have to choose between expecting the best and expecting the worst i'll go for the freaking, effing, damn best.

Falling will be more painful. Fine. My choice.

The hell! When i say they saved my life i freaking mean it. Just let me be naive and childish enough to pray for them not to let me go yet.

Let me be dumb enough to refuse to admit that day could be next week.

Maybe i haven't lived enough to see this whole thing in the right perspective. And maybe if i had lived enough, SS501 wouldn't be my life saviors by now.

It's been 6 months. 6 meaningful but damn short months.

And you'll say: your fault if you didn't know them. Ok, true.

I'm glad you all collected your precious yearly green memories, but then just let me climb this shaking hope stairway a little higher than you.

'Cause honestly, there's nothing else i could do right now.

All i know is that these past 6 months have been the best ones of my life and will always be. In 10 years, when i'll look back, whether i'll be in love with kpop or not i'll remember 2010 (and possibly later years too) as just the best period ever 'cause i've met awesome people, whether i've actually talked to them (like in your case) or not (like in idols case).

And i'm sure the same goes for you.

Therefore excuse me if i'm not ready to be mature and wave bye to them already.